Friday, January 22, 2010

Embracing the process

I had not even realized that my last post was before New Year's--and so many interesting things happened then, as well. I don't want to dwell on those events because my current post is on something of much greater import, but I'll offer a recap for those desperate to know what I did. (I built it up so nicely two posts previous!)

New Year's Eve: we had some people over for a pot-luck dinner and dessert fest. It was amazing. We played Apples to Apples because that's the most fun game in the world, and then we watched some idiot jump his bike across a bridge. After the East coast New Year, we changed the channel to Dick Clark (with Ryan Seacrest) and started the countdown for the Central timezone New Year. I was fairly drunk by the time everyone left our house.

New Year's Day: hungover and feeling awful, I cooked breakfast for our guests who would be coming over to watch our team's bowl game. Guests also brought with them some breakfast items as well as their own hangovers--we were quite a bunch. Once we cracked out the mimosas, however, people started to perk up.

January 2nd: Robert and I went to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra with a couple of our married friends. The show was brilliant, and we all had a great time. If you ever have the opportunity to see TSO live, I would strongly recommend it. (Who knew violinists could headbang and powerslide all while playing their instruments beautifully?) After the show, we ate at the Melting Pot. Robert and I had never been before, and we were not disappointed. We still talk about how wonderful the food and atmosphere were (to say nothing of the company!). I think our first married New Year's together was my absolute favorite New Year's ever.

They say that whatever you were doing in the New Year is what you will be doing for the rest of the year. We were with our best friends, having the time of our lives. I think this is a good plan for 2010.

On to the subject of greater import.

I neglected my blog for the past several weeks for one reason and one reason only: I've been working quickly and consistently on my dissertation. I am still in the prospectus stage, which means I'm not quite out of the gate yet, but I have decided to embrace the process itself. Who says I have to wait until after the prospectus has been approved to begin on Chapter One? In fact, that's not the way I enjoy writing at all; instead, I am the kind of writer who starts in the middle and will work her way out toward the beginning and end after all the important bits have been said. (How can I introduce something that I've never written before? It makes much more sense to write the introduction after the rest of the document [or a great majority of it] so that I know precisely what I'm introducing.)

For those curious, my dissertation takes a look at the early modern English stage practice of transvestism (dressing boys as girls) and potential enacted homosexuality (stage romances between the transvestite and the male actor), and asks questions of influence. When, in 1660, Charles II returned to England and reopened the theatres, finally allowing women to act legally (something he witnessed in France and found appropriate, not whorish), the boys who used to wear dresses stopped wearing dresses and wore the clothes of male youths. Certainly we are not to believe that simply lifting the ban on female actors solves the problem and eradicates the gender confusion (or "trouble," to borrow from Butler) on stage. I want to consider how these complicated implications have influenced our own interpretations of both modern stage in general as well as modern staged representations of the Male in specific. While a cross-gender cast today may elicit responses from the audience that such practice leads to issues of homosexuality, this thought would not have been prevalent in early modern England. Homosexuality simply did not exist to them as it does to us. Women and children (of both sexes) were the same. A socioeconomic (maybe even sociosexual) status made the man, not his clothes nor his penis. A child with a penis (or even a young adult with a penis or a full-grown man with a penis) who did not exert full authority and ownership over his household (and therefore over other people) was a woman, not a man. Therefore, I would conclude, a full-grown male actor (who owns a house, has a wife and children, perhaps a servant or two) who kisses on stage the transvestite boy actor (who is merely an apprentice at best) is not committing an act of homosexuality. The boy is woman, despite his biology.

We shifted somewhere. Maybe it was when Charles II allowed women on stage, maybe that is when England awoke to its own staged perversions. (I should note this was an anomaly in England. In Spain, they also believed that a female on stage was performing an act of whoredom. So they just hired prostitutes to act out the women's parts.) But, my dissertation is only to be at max a 300-page tome...I don't have the space to track down the true origins of stage homophobia in England (which would have naturally spread to theatre in the United States). I will instead be applying the notion of masculinity from early modern England to modern stage productions. My goal is to add a level of nuance to our current notions of masculinity--the pendulum swung (rightly so) to such an extreme that while notions of femininity were fluctuating and adding levels of nuance, masculinity suffered from simplification. I want to push the pendulum back toward the middle (not to either extreme) in order to create a more balanced conversation of gender identities. Males, despite the lampooning and caricatures they've suffered in at least the past century, are a much more nuanced and subtle sex than they've been given credit for. They are overdue for recognition of their subtleties, and now is the time.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

New layout and header

My amazing husband bought me a fabulous gift for Christmas: Photoshop 8! :D Around Thanksgiving, we also purchased the full assortment of our beautiful engagement and wedding photos by Heather Carson.

I spent most of this evening fiddling around with my layout. If you happened to visit my blog between 3 and 8:30 p.m. Central, you probably noticed that it didn't look the way it looks right now. I think I'm satisfied with its appearance for now--I'm sure I'll change it again in the future, ha. I tend to do that.

But, I did want to give credit where it was due. Obviously, the layout, header, and headings come from The Cutest Blog on the Block. I made appropriate changes to the header, and the photos I selected are from our wedding day by Heather Carson at Carson Studios. If you're in need of a photographer in this area, I would strongly recommend Heather. Not only is she a fantastic photographer, but she also made us feel like the only clients in the entire world.

Coming next: a fun New Year's Eve get-together, a fun New Year's Day bowl game with friends, and a double-date-night at The Melting Pot and to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra! :)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

First Married Christmas

This year was our first married Christmas, and it was one of the most special Christmases we've had (even rivaling our engagement on Christmas morning, 2007). I have a feeling that the Christmas season will always be special to us by default.

Robert and I wanted to establish new traditions with each other--ones that we can continue to enjoy once we start having children. The first tradition that we established on our own was to cut down our Christmas tree. Robert's family had done this before, but mine never had, so it was an interesting and fun new experience for me. We went to a local tree farm and found this "little" beauty:

It's a Carolina Sapphire, 7.5' tall. I love how it looks blue against the green of the other trees. Because I'm the wifey with a camera, I was more designated to take pictures of our pretty tree...while Robert cut it down:
The farm supplied little hacksaws that were fairly well-used and a little worse-for-wear. Robert had to saw with great vigor to get the tree to finally come off its stump. After we cut down our tree, it was loaded for us onto a flatbed trailer, and we took a hay ride back up to the front of the land. We only spent $40 altogether, which was such a thrill--we knew we couldn't really afford a nice Frasier Fir otherwise. And I think I like the Caroline Sapphire better!

Its needles are a little scratchier than the Fir, and its sap can be pretty itchy when it gets into the scratches opened up by the needles, but the aroma is amazing. It's not the typical evergreen scent--it smells more like minty oranges. Delightful!

Next on our task list was to start decorating the house. We dug out my tree-topper, a metallic angel, and discovered that she didn't quite survive the move as well as we would have liked her to:
Even though her arm was off, we still put her on top of the tree. She's a little special, but she's our special angel. We might consider replacing her next year. Maybe not. It's not like our guests complained that our angel was one-armed.

I also put out my Nativity set, which is designed by Willow Tree:
I received the complete Nativity set last year for Christmas, to my utter delight, and the very thought of getting to use it for Christmas in my house this year was so exciting.

I didn't do a very good job of taking pictures of the rest of the Christmas decorations--there's not much out except for our Christmas village houses and a couple of wreaths on the windows.

We hosted a small dinner with our friends who are also married. This was one of the first times we got to bring out our china and set a very pretty table. See our Advent wreath in the center of the table? :)

Faced with feeding guests who do not have dietary restrictions, this host and hostess had to give a lot of consideration to the meal and dessert. We ultimately decided on delicious grilled (and breaded! so decadent) chicken breasts. For the dessert, we splurged on an organic, gluten-free chocolate cake mix and gluten-free dark chocolate icing mix. I handmade both the cake and the icing. I made the icing in my KitchenAid stand-mixer, and it came out ridiculously fluffy and light...it was like whipped cream!

This cake was so delicious!! We were skeptical at first about it being a gluten-free, soy-free chocolate cake, but it turned out so moist and amazing. It tasted like the regular stuff, but cost a lot more. I'm just glad that we found something we like that we can make again (like for Robert's birthday, for instance). Happy me! :)

To top off our Christmas, Robert had surgery on the 15th (tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy, and turbinectomy). He's recovering very well, but the first few days were uncomfortable for him. Here, our cat is "helping" to watch the humidifier in the living room:

We were concerned at first that the surgery would affect whether or not Robert would be able to enjoy his Christmas. And, this being our first married Christmas, that was a fairly major concern. He was on a strictly liquid/mushy diet for the first few days, but each day it seemed like he was able to eat something a little more solid than liquid. We celebrated Christmas with my family the weekend beforehand, and my mom made Robert a hearty soup while the rest of us ate turkey. To my astonishment and happiness, five days later, he enjoyed ham at his grandmother's house on Christmas Eve, and turkey at his mom's house on Christmas day! I'm so glad he got to have a sort of traditional Christmas, too. The surgeon told us that he would feel pretty cruddy for about a week or so after surgery, and then all of a sudden: bam! he would feel great. I think that's exactly how it's happened. Most importantly, of course, is that he's breathing so much better, and I have a very good feeling about the next cold and flu season. I don't think he'll have as many sinus infections and sore throats from now on, considering his sinuses are much wider than they used to be, and his tonsils are nonexistent.

All-in-all, this was a wonderful Christmas. And we both relished the moment when we got to wish our spouse a very merry Christmas for the first time. :)

I hope that all of you had a great Christmas, too!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Learning to live without soy

My wonderful husband has a soy allergy. We don't know yet how serious it is, except that his allergist recommended that he avoid eating soy or soy derivatives of any kind. And it's true that after many meals, he'll feel not only full but unwell. Tonight he and I did our weekly grocery shopping, and we became immediately aware of how many of our favorites were cooked either in soy (or soy derivatives) or were cooked with instruments that came in contact with soy. (I'm just thrilled that type of information is available on packaging--I had never noticed it before.) We spent longer than we ever have at the store, reading labels, putting things back, and moving on. At first, the mood was lighthearted and simply awestruck. But as we continued to put more and more of our favorite foods back on the shelves, Robert became discouraged. And why shouldn't he? It really hit the hardest at the cookie section. Everything is baked with either margarine or vegetable oils (which uses soy protein), so the message he got in the cookie aisle was: You're Not Allowed.

I realize that we're both going to have to make this change together, and I'm ready. If I were the one with the food allergy, I would probably tell him to keep eating whatever he wanted (just like he told me), but I would secretly feel resentful and deprived. Not that I think he would feel that way toward me if I started munching on all the cookies I wanted, but I don't think it's fair to do that to him anyway. We found some ice creams that would work for him--one is dolce de leche (Breyer's), which is a caramel-based ice cream. It turns out that the chocolate chip-based ice creams have soybean derivatives in them. We also found that our regular spaghetti sauce has soy derivatives in it, but we found out that Bertolli doesn't. I think we'll manage to get by. I know we will. It's just a matter now of shopping smarter.

I'd like to learn some soy-free recipes so that he and I can eat similarly to how we used to without him feeling sick afterwards. So, for instance, I would like to find some cookie recipes that would be really yummy. He should be able to eat cookies and milk if he wants to. This is going to be my new project.

For tonight's dinner, I'm making baked chicken with Panko breading (dredged in olive oil instead of margarine) and marinated with Lea & Perrin's chicken marinade (garlic and herb--turns out all other dressings are soy-based). I chose Panko because the Progresso Italian bread crumbs that I had originally planned on has soybean oil in it. Panko bread crumbs have less than 2% (if even any) of soy in it, so we're going to try it. I seasoned the breading with cracked black pepper and savory because it just smelled so darn good. On the side, we're having Mahatma yellow rice with olive oil instead of margarine. (Extra virgin olive oil, of course, hehe.) It smells really good. I hope it tastes really good, too.

Well, that's the timer. Fingers crossed! :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Under the weather

For the first time since my husband and I were married, I'm sick. Now, this in itself wouldn't normally have any relationship to the fact that we're married now...except for the "small" fact that now we live under the same roof. Which means I can't shrug off illness, as I'm wont to do. I also can't ignore any other basic illness needs, like extra sleep. My husband has been taking incredible care of me, and when I asked him about it, he said simply, "Well, now you can't hide away from me in your apartment. I can actually do something about your illness now."

And do something he has done.

Friday night, he made sure I took some Nyquil in order to sleep because I was generally starting to feel under the weather. I couldn't really identify my symptoms yet, but I knew I was getting sick. Yesterday, he gave me some more Nyquil and instructed that I should sleep when I became tired...so I slept for three hours. This is something I would normally not have allowed myself to do. We also quarantined ourselves from each other (sad) so that I didn't give him my blossoming infection--he slept in our bed and I slept in the guest bed. Finally, today, when I woke up with painful chest congestion and a rattling cough, he took me to the nearby clinic.

I have a mild bronchial infection and am on a Z-pack/Mucinex regimen. Robert is keeping close track of my med schedule, which is helpful because it makes me very sleepy. I'm hoping to be better by Friday because this weekend is my sister's bridal shower. And I'm the co-hostess with my cousin and best friend. So...I can't be sick, lol. And if I am still feeling down, of course, I'll do the shower thing anyway. The details have all been taken care of now, so I'm positive it'll go smoothly. :)

At any rate, I am extremely thankful for my husband and his diligent attention when I'm sick. I don't usually take care of myself in this way when I'm sick, so it's really nice to have someone to depend on. :)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Our marital bed: thoughts

I know the marital bed is a sensitive topic to all married couples, and it's almost a taboo subject for unmarried people. But I've had this idea running around in my mind for several weeks now, so I'm going to break the ice. I'm not going to break the sex taboo and reveal all our bedroom secrets. But, instead, I want to talk about the other functions of the marital bed because it has become for us a central location in our home.

When I was fourteen years old, I went through bereavement counseling with my mom and sister at our church. We had recently suffered the deaths of my mom's father and our next-door neighbor (my mom's best friend, and my "second" mom) within three weeks of each other. It was a lot to take in. The counselor introduced herself, turned off a row of lights so that the group was now sitting in dimmed lighting, and said, "Please take a moment to close your eyes, calm your thoughts, and picture yourself in your favorite place." I was 14. I didn't really have a favorite place. So, I made it up and pictured myself a smaller child sitting on my mom's lap.

I'm older now, and I have a favorite place.

My favorite place, the place I mentally go to when I'm overwhelmed at work, the place I physically seek when I need to recharge emotionally, is my marital bed.

I love our bed. The sheets aren't changed every single week, like they are at my mom's house. The bed isn't made every single morning. The blankets are covered in cat hair, until my husband's allergies bother him and we wash them. It was a hand-me-down from Robert's grandparents (in fact, our entire bedroom suit was). And I love our bed, with all its imperfections that would disqualify it from a Martha Stewart Living spread.

In my marital bed I sleep, dream, nap, and rest. I lie down after an exhausting day, throw my right arm over my eyes, and let my body heal. My husband inevitably comes in and lies down beside me, taking my hand.

In my marital bed I learn. It is in our bed that my husband and I have our more lively debates about our individual beliefs, or theoretical preferences. We sit beside each other, propped up by pillows, and trace each other's legs with a finger or hold hands or brush hair out of the other's face.

In my marital bed I grow. When my husband and I need to communicate hurt feelings or frustrations or anger, we almost always retire to our bedroom. Without children yet, we don't have much of a reason to do this, but it seems to be our habit. Robert might lie down, and I might sit at the edge of bed...until he playfully pulls me to lie down beside him. We hold hands when we argue, reminding each other that home exists when those two hands are united.

In my marital bed I find strength and comfort. Only rarely (and only out of necessity) do I lie down and fall asleep before my husband. At night, we roll toward each other, one resting a head on the other's shoulder, trace fingertips with fingertips, and whisper quietly about any concerns remaining from our day. My husband's body is strong and safe, and I feel strong and safe next to him. When, at the end of the day, I am feeling beaten down or discouraged or taken for granted by someone, I know I can lie down in my marital bed beside my husband and he will hold me until I am relaxed enough to fall asleep.

I love my marital bed. This has become for me my favorite place.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Photo Shoot: Abandoned house and gas station

Today, I went on a photo shoot with two of my friends; one of my friends is an amateur photographer, and she took two of us newbies out on a workshop shoot. The assignment: find something beautiful in the ugly. We went to an abandoned, fire-damage house and nearby run-down gas station. They were within fifty feet of each other.

I always imagine the story behind all of my shots, and I hope that the story comes through in some small way. Today, as I was walking around the site before taking the first photo, I imagined the human beings who lived in this house. Were they the same family who owned the nearby gas station? Was the gas station dilapidated because of the fire in the house? How did the fire start? What did they take with them? Did they escape with their lives at the very least? (This final question haunted me, and I hope beyond hope that this family is still alive and thriving.)

I took 175 photos during our hour-long shoot, a general average for me. My camera isn't set for exposure bracketing, which makes it more difficult to take multiple pictures at one time. 30 of the 175 made it to post-processing. During post-processing, most of the photos received an increase in their black points, a higher contrast, and a slightly improved vibrancy. Lighting was diffused this morning because of the cloud cover, and the colors genuinely popped on their own--I was merely interested in bringing them out by about a degree and a half or so. These are my favorite five of the entire batch.

I'll let the stories behind them speak for themselves.