Under the weather

For the first time since my husband and I were married, I'm sick. Now, this in itself wouldn't normally have any relationship to the fact that we're married now...except for the "small" fact that now we live under the same roof. Which means I can't shrug off illness, as I'm wont to do. I also can't ignore any other basic illness needs, like extra sleep. My husband has been taking incredible care of me, and when I asked him about it, he said simply, "Well, now you can't hide away from me in your apartment. I can actually do something about your illness now."

And do something he has done.

Friday night, he made sure I took some Nyquil in order to sleep because I was generally starting to feel under the weather. I couldn't really identify my symptoms yet, but I knew I was getting sick. Yesterday, he gave me some more Nyquil and instructed that I should sleep when I became tired...so I slept for three hours. This is something I would normally not have allowed myself to do. We also quarantined ourselves from each other (sad) so that I didn't give him my blossoming infection--he slept in our bed and I slept in the guest bed. Finally, today, when I woke up with painful chest congestion and a rattling cough, he took me to the nearby clinic.

I have a mild bronchial infection and am on a Z-pack/Mucinex regimen. Robert is keeping close track of my med schedule, which is helpful because it makes me very sleepy. I'm hoping to be better by Friday because this weekend is my sister's bridal shower. And I'm the co-hostess with my cousin and best friend. So...I can't be sick, lol. And if I am still feeling down, of course, I'll do the shower thing anyway. The details have all been taken care of now, so I'm positive it'll go smoothly. :)

At any rate, I am extremely thankful for my husband and his diligent attention when I'm sick. I don't usually take care of myself in this way when I'm sick, so it's really nice to have someone to depend on. :)

Our marital bed: thoughts

I know the marital bed is a sensitive topic to all married couples, and it's almost a taboo subject for unmarried people. But I've had this idea running around in my mind for several weeks now, so I'm going to break the ice. I'm not going to break the sex taboo and reveal all our bedroom secrets. But, instead, I want to talk about the other functions of the marital bed because it has become for us a central location in our home.

When I was fourteen years old, I went through bereavement counseling with my mom and sister at our church. We had recently suffered the deaths of my mom's father and our next-door neighbor (my mom's best friend, and my "second" mom) within three weeks of each other. It was a lot to take in. The counselor introduced herself, turned off a row of lights so that the group was now sitting in dimmed lighting, and said, "Please take a moment to close your eyes, calm your thoughts, and picture yourself in your favorite place." I was 14. I didn't really have a favorite place. So, I made it up and pictured myself a smaller child sitting on my mom's lap.

I'm older now, and I have a favorite place.

My favorite place, the place I mentally go to when I'm overwhelmed at work, the place I physically seek when I need to recharge emotionally, is my marital bed.

I love our bed. The sheets aren't changed every single week, like they are at my mom's house. The bed isn't made every single morning. The blankets are covered in cat hair, until my husband's allergies bother him and we wash them. It was a hand-me-down from Robert's grandparents (in fact, our entire bedroom suit was). And I love our bed, with all its imperfections that would disqualify it from a Martha Stewart Living spread.

In my marital bed I sleep, dream, nap, and rest. I lie down after an exhausting day, throw my right arm over my eyes, and let my body heal. My husband inevitably comes in and lies down beside me, taking my hand.

In my marital bed I learn. It is in our bed that my husband and I have our more lively debates about our individual beliefs, or theoretical preferences. We sit beside each other, propped up by pillows, and trace each other's legs with a finger or hold hands or brush hair out of the other's face.

In my marital bed I grow. When my husband and I need to communicate hurt feelings or frustrations or anger, we almost always retire to our bedroom. Without children yet, we don't have much of a reason to do this, but it seems to be our habit. Robert might lie down, and I might sit at the edge of bed...until he playfully pulls me to lie down beside him. We hold hands when we argue, reminding each other that home exists when those two hands are united.

In my marital bed I find strength and comfort. Only rarely (and only out of necessity) do I lie down and fall asleep before my husband. At night, we roll toward each other, one resting a head on the other's shoulder, trace fingertips with fingertips, and whisper quietly about any concerns remaining from our day. My husband's body is strong and safe, and I feel strong and safe next to him. When, at the end of the day, I am feeling beaten down or discouraged or taken for granted by someone, I know I can lie down in my marital bed beside my husband and he will hold me until I am relaxed enough to fall asleep.

I love my marital bed. This has become for me my favorite place.

Photo Shoot: Abandoned house and gas station

Today, I went on a photo shoot with two of my friends; one of my friends is an amateur photographer, and she took two of us newbies out on a workshop shoot. The assignment: find something beautiful in the ugly. We went to an abandoned, fire-damage house and nearby run-down gas station. They were within fifty feet of each other.

I always imagine the story behind all of my shots, and I hope that the story comes through in some small way. Today, as I was walking around the site before taking the first photo, I imagined the human beings who lived in this house. Were they the same family who owned the nearby gas station? Was the gas station dilapidated because of the fire in the house? How did the fire start? What did they take with them? Did they escape with their lives at the very least? (This final question haunted me, and I hope beyond hope that this family is still alive and thriving.)

I took 175 photos during our hour-long shoot, a general average for me. My camera isn't set for exposure bracketing, which makes it more difficult to take multiple pictures at one time. 30 of the 175 made it to post-processing. During post-processing, most of the photos received an increase in their black points, a higher contrast, and a slightly improved vibrancy. Lighting was diffused this morning because of the cloud cover, and the colors genuinely popped on their own--I was merely interested in bringing them out by about a degree and a half or so. These are my favorite five of the entire batch.

I'll let the stories behind them speak for themselves.

Prospectus Rough Draft #1: The Results Show

I met with my dissertation director, Dr. R, on Wednesday morning this past week to discuss the first draft of my dissertation prospectus. I must admit to some frustration at still being in this stage of my dissertation so long after achieving ABD status (All But Dissertation--it means I'm done except for the 250-300 page book). I became ABD the first week of March...and it's October now. I feel concerned that I'm way behind schedule, but I have to keep reminding myself that there is no such thing as a schedule any more. There is a reality of running out of funded hours, but with Robert graduating next Spring, the likelihood of our moving on to bigger and better things (and my "dissertating" remotely) is fairly high. I'm not concerned about losing funding.

So, the brief recap of my meeting would go a little something like this.

Me and Dr. R: small talk, small talk, small talk....

Me: So...where should we start on this thing? (indicating the two copies of the prospectus before each of us)

Dr. R: Where do we begin...? Hm. Well, I'm still fairly concerned that you're not writing as specifically as you need to be. I'm not sure exactly what you're going to be looking at, specifically. (she reads me a line from my prospectus which uses the words "dangers and implications.") So, for instance, the dangers and implications for whom? I'm assuming for the early modern British audience member...? (I say "yes.") Okay, then the next question is: why should we care? They're dead!

Me: (laughing a little nervously) Well...I guess that's a good point. But here's my problem with it. We have to care necessarily because we can't watch a Shakespeare play today, for instance, without recalling at some basic level that all the female roles were played by men. (that's the topic of my dissertation--early modern British stage transvestism.) When we watch a play, we're always going to be aware of the ban of women from the stage. We can't not be aware of it.

Dr. R: (arching an eyebrow and leaning back in her chair) It sounds like to me that you're actually more interested in the modern audience.

Me: (grinning a little too broadly) I am, aren't I? Is that okay? (I tend to talk too fast when I meet with my advisor for whatever reason, and I could feel that tendency coming on now.)

Dr. R: I think it's a reasonable question, done correctly of course.

Me: (Talking too fast now) Oh my god, I am so happy to hear you say that! I think part of the reason that I took so long getting my prospectus to you is because I haven't really been feeling in love with my topic ever since my oral exam in March. I mean, I remember feeling passionate about my thesis (which she oversaw as well, actually, and could also remember my interest and passion for it), but I haven't felt that way about my dissertation. And I guess if I have to just press through and write it anyway, I will...but I'd really like the chance to love it.

Dr. R: No, you have to love this project. This is the longest work you've ever done at this point, and you have to love it. If you don't love it, it'll never get done.

Me: And I want to graduate. This dissertation is all that's left to finish before I can graduate and get a real, good job. And this dissertation is what's going to get me that job. And I want to love my job, too.

Our meeting continued much in the same way, but I won't recount it further. We have decided that for my new topic, I'm going to maintain my plan for Chapters 4-6, convert them into different chapters, and continue moving forward for the next three-ish chapters.

I joked with a peer that perhaps I should just keep them labeled Chapters 4-6. If it worked for George Lucas, it can work for me! ;)

My new topic is a little more focused and so much more interesting to me. I can actually spend a great deal more time than originally planned on current theatrical productions, which means interviews and going to see performances for research, hehe. I'm feeling much more refreshed and excited about this topic. The other one was actually a popular topic twenty years ago, and anyone who's researched before will know that a twenty-year-old topic of interest is not a good place to begin.

Tune in next time for Prospectus Rough Draft #2! (No telling when "next time" will be for this particular entry, though, haha.)

Photo update

Inspired by my friend Ash, I am going to make a photo post...because lately I've been so busy that this is pretty much the best way to recap the last month.

Over Labor Day weekend, Robert and I visited my aunt, uncle, and cousins in South Carolina. On the Saturday of that weekend, we went to a local baseball game, which was a lot of fun. I haven't been to a baseball game since I was in middle school. Before the game, my aunt and uncle took us walking around downtown Greenville, and we visited a new park. I was stunned by the beauty of this place.

The geese were in full form at the park this weekend, and what was even more astonishing was that they were not afraid of people. Children jumped around the rocks and water alongside the geese--at times it seemed the geese were also playing with the kids. Such a beautiful and relaxing day!

Then, later this month was my birthday. We celebrated by having a low-key breakfast at our home. I don't really like celebrating my birthday in an extravagant way. The attention makes me feel a little uncomfortable (although I love celebrating everyone else's birthday--making a big deal of their day is part of the fun). We had both sets of our parents, our siblings, and my sister's fiance come over for homemade pancakes (Robert made them!), eggs, biscuits, bacon, and sausage. It was so great!

When we opened the door, my mom greeted me with a great big grin and gigantic balloon...that sang. I loved this balloon! Mom would tap it at random and do a little dance while the animals looked on in frozen anxiety. Milton, our sweet neurotic Chowbrador, didn't really like the balloon but was okay with it as long as it wasn't singing. Beatrice, our fearless calico/tabby mix, watched it warily but didn't run away. Callie, our tortoiseshell RagaMuffin, hid the entire day.

The morning was made even more complete by my mom's cupcakes! She decorated each one with a delicious sugar flower that she found at this great little cake store near their home. They were so yummy! We started doing cupcakes for birthdays instead of cakes after an idea that my sister had for her birthday. :) It's so smart, too, because few people want to eat two cupcakes, so it keeps portions under control.

Last weekend, my friend and I went on a little photo shoot. We were having an away game that weekend, and I wanted to photograph the campus without crazy amounts of people crowding the school. I'll take pictures the next time we have a home game that's not under threat of being rained out.

While on our photo shoot, I captured a bird's nest outside of the pharmacy school. It looks to have been pretty sturdy for its inhabitants, but they had already flown off.

And finally...a photograph that I think really encapsulates football season. This was taken on the lawn in front of our student union. It's a JD miniature laying beside a streamer that has been dropped from a shaker. War Eagle, indeed.

Prospectus Rough Draft #1

That is the name of the file in the folder "Dissertation." It leaves little to the imagination, is somewhat long and maybe even a smidgen unwieldy. But it will assist me in the future to remember which document is which--I fully expect this prospectus to see many drafts, at least three, hopefully no more than nine, and they will all be properly labeled. Changes will be made at this stage that perhaps at a later stage should be revisited.

Regardless of the future tense, in the present tense, I am currently in a holding pattern. I e-mailed my first draft of my prospectus rough draft to my dissertation director only an hour ago, and I await her response with eagerness and anticipation. Yes, my topic has gone through an existential crisis these past several months, but I'm ready now and refreshed, and I believe both myself and my topic find ourselves imbued with a second restorative wind.

My friend Smitty and I were talking on the phone Tuesday night; it was our regularly scheduled weekly phone date. When she asked about my prospectus (she has already begun work on the second draft of hers), I began to mumble and babble a little incoherently about how it's still sitting at 7 pages and how I still have to add some references and quotes here and there. And she asked me why I hadn't finished it last week, like I originally planned. I made up some excuse or other (I always do), but she didn't accept it. So, she asked me what my plans were for this weekend. I told her that I am spending time with my family. She responded, "That sounds nice. You'll have your prospectus e-mailed by Friday evening, then." I said, "Yeah...I guess I could probably swing that." Not convinced by my response, she changed the deadline on me! "Okay, then you'll have the prospectus e-mailed by Thursday. You don't want to be worrying about packing and doing laundry while you finish editing your prospectus." I attempted to disagree with her and beg for leniency, but she relented none. Sighing, I accepted the established deadline. Thursday.

Today is Thursday. After returning from my second class, and feeling utterly wiped out and exhausted, I knew I had to accomplish something, anything, and that Smitty would be checking in with me at some point in the next twelve to sixteen hours. So, sighing again, I opened my old exam notebooks, perused the hundreds of pages of quoted material until I found the sources I had originally referenced (and yes, they're organized with tabs--the search didn't take long), and then I began to insert quotes and citations into the document. Within a couple of hours, I was finished and reading and rereading and rerereading my document until I was satisfied that it was at least typo-free enough to submit to my director with little embarrassment.

And now, I sit in my office, waiting for Robert to return from class, and waiting for my director to open my e-mail and read the little bundle of mess that is my prospectus rough draft. But, in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy my Labor Day weekend! :)

P.S. I must clarify: I do not expect for her to read the rough draft nor even open my e-mail before next Tuesday. Administrators need a long weekend too, you know!

You're owning that track!

Yesterday morning, I decided I was tired of avoiding eye contact with myself in the mirror before and after showers, so I pulled out the $60 game Robert and I bought almost three months ago to help me deal with this very issue. The game is EA Sport's Active for the Wii. The game kit comes with an adjustable leg band, which holds the nunchuk controller and tracks lower-body movements, as well as a resistance band with handles for upper-body resistance workouts.

I strapped the leg band to my upper right thigh, having to use the extender to get the band to stay in place without cutting off my circulation, and put the game in the Wii console. Right away, my skepticism and anxiety whether this could be something I would enjoy or stick to were evaporated. The game greets you with a peppy soundtrack as well as the encouraging and motivating narration provided by physiologist Bob Greene (of Body for Life fame). After making my profile, I selected the thirty-day workout challenge. It comes in three intensity levels: low, medium, and high. Although I had myself up to a medium-to-high intensity level this time last year, I had fallen back to my lazy, couch-potato ways and thought I should ease into the program to increase the chances of my enjoying it and returning to it.

After choosing my trainer (the female trainer for accuracy of demonstrations--women's bodies are different from men's, after all), I began Day One of my thirty-day workout challenge. She started me with a lap around the track at a walk (which looks like marching in place), and then had me do a couple of laps around the track at a run (jogging in place). The best attribute of this game, from my very first impression, is that it is only ever positively motivational. Rather than saying things like, "You can do better than that," the game says instead, "You're doing great! Keep pushing yourself like that, and you'll meet your goals!" Inevitably, when the game gave me a positive remark like that, I picked up the pace. By the time the run was finished (only a couple of minutes at my intensity level), my trainer said, "Wow! Great job! With a run like that, you own the track!" She was so enthusiastic of my attempts that I could scarcely shut the compliment down with a negative thought. This is huge!

Other activities that I did yesterday included boxing (and the strength of the hit determines whether or not the target is merely tapped or broken apart--you want to break the targets apart), squats, biceps curls with the resistance band, rows, and inline skating.

I have decided that the inline skating is my favorite activity of them all yesterday. It required me to hold a squat for a period of time, and the deeper my squat, the faster my character would skate down the hill. Because I was so focused on the character's speed and accuracy, I gave little thought to my actual squat. Scattered on the hill, however, are ramps off of which the character is to jump and do tricks. This requires not only a deep squat (to approach the ramp at top speed) but also accuracy in the jump--if your jump is too late or early, the character is unable to perform the trick, which does affect points earned (as well as calories burned). So, the inline skating is not just about squatting, but it is about squat-jumps more to the point. I enjoyed this one the most because by the time I played the inline skating for the second round, I managed to make 7/9 tricks instead of 5/9.

I also earned two trophies yesterday. The game awards trophies for every achievement. No achievement is too minimal for this game, which can really help those who are highly competitive and need more than an encouraging word to keep going. The first trophy I earned was for starting my 30-day challenge, which was considered meeting a first goal. The second trophy I earned was for burning over 100 calories in that workout.

From what I've understood, the game is highly customizable according to the user's needs and goals. There's even a sliding scale off the profile page where the user can adjust his or her goals at will--meeting goals is another excuse to earn a trophy! Right now, my goals are the default ones given me by the game.

I will take advantage of the customization of the game when I am more confident in understanding my own needs. I believe that if I complete the 30-day workout challenge at all three intensity levels (for a total of 90 days), then I will begin to see what I need more of in order to see the results I'm after.

So, bring it on, Active! I'm ready for you!

P.S. A quick glance over at the EA Sports page for Active, it looks like there's an entire community for players! Also, a new expansion of the workouts comes out in November. I'm excited! :)

EA Sports: Active Website

P.P.S. I forgot to mention the length of my workout and how much I ended up sweating. It lasted about 45 minutes, I think, and I sweated like I was working out outside, even though I had my A/C turned all the way down. I was sore when I woke up this morning, as though I had gone to the gym. I'm really looking forward to seeing more results!